so, i've been thinking a lot lately. maybe thats why i haven't posted a blog in so long. i swear, thinking and over analyzing has taken over my life. or should i say WORRYING? there are so many things going on right now, preparing to be on m own, getting things for the apartment, trying to afford/buy a car, i got an internship, and recently decided to let go of something i should have let go so long ago.
in the midst of all of this chaos, i feel like i have lost myself. i have sold myself short, and did things i wouldn't normally do. so i woke up this morning, with the oddest feeling. i couldn't explain it if i tried. all i know is i was focused on the negative things in my life. i try and be a positive person, and i let things build up and bother me until i burst. i guess you could call today the "burst day". but then i realized, things are not as negative as i am making them out to be. i'm moving in august, to my very own place. i just got offered an internship with a prestigious financial firm in DC, i know exactly what i want to do and nothing can keep me from that.
Having said that, i also have been having reoccurring feelings for someone who doesn't deserve my time or energy. it has been something in my life for a very long time ( 2 years or so) and i tried to let go too soon, without closure...which led me to my old ways...aka having the same feelings. recently, an incident happened which really opened my eyes. and you know what i realized? you can NOT make someone your priority, when they only make you an option. in this i have realized i deserve so much better, and i will find it. maybe not today and maybe not next month but i will find it. i did not get the closure i desired, but i guess you could say that event gave me the courage to say i'm done with this, and tell myself that its not healthy. i'm glad this happened. i really am. it may be hard, but it is for the better.
anyways, i'm glad i have cleared my thoughts. on a positive note, i think one of my best friends and i are going to Georgia soon for vacation...i am SO excited. i want to live in Georgia...so i know we will have a good time. i love the south. i love everything about it. i recently took a trip to visit a friend who lives in the city, and i just like the country more. i mean, don't get me wrong, having everything be 2 minutes away is convenient. but i realized its more than that. its the 20 minute drive it takes to get where i'm going. the music loud, the windows down, and the country scenery to look at. all of it combined to clear my mind, and be at peace.
thats all for now friends. lots of love,
tangerine love dove.
Ahh honey you have so much going for you, it's so great! I can tell you're starting to realize the TRUTH about yourself. fuck everyone who ever looked down on you, fuck everyone who ever thought you couldn't make it. they should have never looked down on you. "Don't ever look down on anyone unless you're helping them up." remember that! :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you! :)